Gifts and Oceans

I’d like to tell you about my friend Gift. I stayed first at her home before moving into my current homestay in Clare. She slept in the same room with me for three nights and I feel like I know her better than anyone in the village. She’s my oldest friend here! Gift and I would talk during about every waking moment that we were both at home and communicate as best we could across languages and cultures about religion, politics, agriculture and education. She is the one who read the 700+ page Long Walk to Freedom in about a day—while also keeping up cleaning her house, collecting water, cooking meals and preparing clothing for her brother’s wedding.

I went by to see Gift today to check on her and perhaps retrieve my (already borrowed) Kindle. When I arrived, she wrapped one arm around me and explored my face with a huge smile, saying, “You are well.” I couldn’t tell if it was a question or declaration, but her face beamed. I’ve spent the rest of the day wishing I could be better at showing such unabashed caring.

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Later in the day, a man sitting with some women outside of a house I’d passed many times, approached me for a hug. This was not unusual for older, drunk men I’ve encountered, and thus far I’ve found it easiest to endure a brief embrace and walk on. This time, he continued to try to hug me and leaned to try to kiss me, as well. At that point I shoved him and reprimanded him with words that hopefully someone nearby later translated for him. I don’t tell this story to a) freak out my mom, b) lead anyone to believe all older or drunk men in South Africa/Africa/rural places/foreign countries are like this or even dangerous, c) share a cautionary tale. In fact, he was harmless, and I knew that. However, he was inappropriate and he did need to be told that.

Much to my surprise, Ocean, one of the younger men in the village who is probably about 25, came to greet me after helping translate all day for my students. He immediately addressed what had just happened in the street—he must have heard about it from others who saw it happen. He apologized on behalf of Clare and asked if I wanted the man arrested. Ocean was clearly both concerned for my safety and embarrassed that someone in his community had disrespected one of his “guests.”

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Both Gift and Ocean have played very important roles in my understanding and appreciation for Clare and the people in it. Knowing them well allows me to know that the afternoon incident was an anomaly and one that almost every member of the community would be appalled by. The way Ocean stepped in hoping to protect me and the way Gift embraced me with her warmth embodies for me the essence of the Clare I’ve known so far. One that is proud of its people, enjoying the gifts that the community possess, acknowledging the hard parts of life here and essentially discarding them—saying, that does not represent who we are. I’m thankful that through their quiet strength, Ocean and Gift showed me how we are starting to truly be accepted into the community.

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The students are getting itchy. They are ready to start building businesses and choosing partners. They are ready to act. However, we still have time we are meant spend understanding the community, the assets that are already here, the ones we brought with us and how we can build sustainable businesses with community partners. Both experiences today taught me that this time is maybe more important than the building that comes later. Now we are building trust, relationships, hope and respect. If we do this well, once we leave, those villagers who continue on with the enterprises we’ve started together; they will trust in the process, defend what they had a hand in building and beam with pride at what they’ve accomplished.